Beardall Bunch

It's the first post of my new blog! 

I think it is appropriate to do an introduction on the peeps that will appear a lot on this blog.

Left to right: Brayden, Maddiey (me), Mum, Reagan, Dad, McKayla, Kenedi

Mum:

-Extremely fashionable

-Very thoughtful of others

-Outgoing and friendly

-AMAZING runner

Dad:

-Hard worker

-Has an interesting yet funny sense of humor

-Sensitive to others

-Makes the YUMMIEST homemade bread

Maddiey (ME):

-Age 17

Trust me, you don't need to read a blurb on me. 

That's what this whole blog is about (in a non-selfish way)!

McKayla: 

-Age 15

-Beautiful smile and personality

-Kind to everyone

-Contagious laugh

-The BEST basketball player I know- she's a girl Jimmer!

Brayden:
-Age 13
-My favorite brother

-Gentleman

-Hilarious

-AMAZING football player

Kenedi:

-Age 10

-Friends with everyone

-ALWAYS smiling

-Sweet and willing to do anything

-FABULOUS basketball player

Reagan:

-Age 8

- Spunky and lively

-Knows how to get people to laugh

- Has beautifully freckled cheeks

- GORGEOUS voice

That's it.

Pah.

It's amazing to stare at a keyboard and think of all the possibilities that are in front of you. I instantly group the letters together and make up words that don't have any significance when they stand alone. But for some reason, even when I put words together to form sentences, I still can't seem to find what I'm looking for. It's becoming difficult to find the right words that explain what is going on in my mind.

What? I don't know.

Why? I don't know.

How? I don't know.

I honestly don't know.

My words are as good as a bicycle with a flat tire- they can't seem to get me to where I want to go. The dreams of inspiring people with the written word is shattered because of my lack of inspiration. I hit the  backspace more than I do any other key on the keyboard. My hands are ice cold and my feet tingle from sitting on them too long. My eyes are glued to the blank screen. The cursor is the only thing that is moving.

"Will it happen today? I don't know, for I never know beforehand, and deep down it really doesn't matter. It's the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee, a sort of wager on my part. And though you may call me a dreamer or a fool or any other thing, I believe that anything is possible." 

Maybe one day I will find the words to write a beautiful post- anything is possible.

BOO.
-Maddiey

wide eyes.

I feel as though I have lost a pinch of my teenage touch. As a new day rises and my alarm clock gladly blares music from a christmas radio station, my senses are awakened, and just like that I am wide awake, ready to take on the new day before me. What happened?

What happened to those late night book-reading habits that caused me to be tired the next day? What happened to the sloppy snooze button smashing that also caused me to be blinded by the light of the clock (which happens to be only three levels brighter than the dimmest it goes. The dimmest it goes is almost too dark to read from a foot away)?

I'm still a normal teenager, I think, which is why you should forgive me for not writing a real* post.


*I promise a real post will be coming... soon.

The moment I realized how much I loved to read, I started to make more time to read. Obviously. That's when my attempt to read during car rides took place. Can you guess what book I read? I ask that because I tend to have to tell this story a lot and you most likely know the answer. Well, I will tell you- It was book one of the Harry Potter series. Do you know the feeling when your sick and you eat something you really like, and when you are recovered and you go to eat it again, you feel like your still sick? Yeah, well that's what it was like when I read HP in the car. Turns out, my idea of reading in the car wasn't so genius after all.

Finally, after seeing all of the movies, I decided it was time to pull out the books and try to get past my sick feelings towards book one. Guess what? I finally reached book two. Guess what (again)? I really like them.

*          *          *

It wasn't until the end of elementary school and the beginning of jr. high that I picked up my late night reading habits. It was the age where I had just advanced from Primary to Beehives. I did what most Beehives do- look up to the older girls. On the way home from a mutual activity, I walked home with the older girls and had a lovely conversation about books. One of them mentioned the book that is now probably the most hated book of all times- Twilight. At the time, I had no clue what the book was or what it was about. As a "graduation gift," my mom bought me my very own copy of Twilight. It was from that book that my midnight reading habits begun. I had to know whether or not Edward and Bella would be together, and with a bedtime of 8:30, there's no way I would've known.

*          *          *

Now it is expected of me to stay up till wee hours of the day, reading page after page until my hunger is satisfied. My siblings know it. My parents know it. My siblings make comments and 8PM, saying that it won't be another 4-5 hours before I finally shut my eyes to catch some Z's. My mum and pop come down and tell me it's time to go to bed, and I tell them I'm almost done, then read for another hour or two.

Un livre.
-Maddiey Beardall

call me crazy.

I would apologize for not posting in a while, but then I would be lying- I'm really not sorry. You would probably consider it pathetic if you were to see how many hours I sit here, staring blankly into the computer screen.

Now, here's your options: read this rant of my selfish desires or skip reading this post entirely and find something more worth your time.

Here we go.

I wish I would spend more time in libraries and reading books. I want to take home large stacks of books and pile them all around my room. Instead of countless hours of Solitaire, I would read a variety of novels and write down the lines I like. It would be acceptable to read more than one book at a time, even though my mother gets frustrated when I do so. I would read during the free moments in my classes, regardless of the thoughts I have racing through my mind of what people might think of me. It is truth to say that the world inside a book is far better than a life full of high school drama.

Hey! I think I'll try it.
But first, I'll need to get a library card.

"Save the Shop Around the Corner and it will save your soul."

-Maddiey B.

fall[ing] rain.

.

And out they come.

The slippers all throughout my room start to peek out of their hiding places. Some pairs linger on the carpet of my bedroom floor more than others- I like to pick favorites. Matched with a large fleece blanket, they make my miserably cold body feel somewhat more comfortable.
And a flip of the switch.
As the temperature falls, it becomes clear that leaving my window open only makes life in the basement  more miserable. With a flip of the switch, I can get an artificial fire burning to keep my limbs toasty warm. I will attempt to read a book as I lounge on the cuddle bag extremely to the fireplace. I always end up choosing to fall asleep instead.
And the steam rises.
It is an obvious fact that hot chocolate taste better made with warm milk rather than boiled water. The creamy chocolate is an amazing sensation as you feel it running through your body from the minute you swallow it. Drinking the hot chocolate on your porch or by a window makes it taste extra spectacular- it doesn't really, but yet it really does make it taste better.
And they turn the color blue.
The gloves go on, sleeves pulled down, and hands stuffed in my pockets. My hands loose their fleshy color and begin to turn into ice cold rocks. Like vampires' hands, but we aren't going there.The cold disables me from writing legibly for the next hour or so. It causes my hands to swell up to the point where it looks like a plastic glove filled with air, ready to burst any minute.


And now I am ready for fall.
Farewell, Steve Jobs.
Avec Amour,
Maddiey

another year gone by.

I've changed. For the better, I hope, but some may beg to differ. 

I ask myself: Is it possible for a person to change so much in one year? Apparently so. But to tell you the truth, I am happy with the change that so rapidly happened in a year. My views on certain opinions dramatically changed and some may have found that to make me a hypocritical person. I don't care so much about what people think of me anymore. 

I dance when nobody's looking. I dance when everybody is watching. 

I sing to my Self. I sing when people are listening. 

I cry. 

I read books other than romance novels. I read in libraries. 

I amuse my Self. 

I occasionally walk barefoot. 

I've gone green and use a lunch box rather than using brown sacks. 

I am working harder at remembering to recycle paper. 

I enjoy sleeping in general and taking long naps in the afternoon. 

I have accepted the fact that I am not as tan as I was last year. 

I rather enjoy reading the newspaper and read who's birthday it is everyday. 

I write in cursive. 

I enjoy being by myself every once in a while. 

I love rooftop concerts.

I speak some French.

I like what I have become.

F-O-X.

Avec Amour,

Madison 

it tastes like soap but it doesn't really taste like soap.

And then I lower my whole mouth in and take a gulp.

I am overly excited for fall this year.

I am excited for

the cardigans 

and the scarfs 

and the boots.

I am excited for

long walks through the park

and the color changing mountains

and a little bit of cold air.

I am excited for

a change in season

and a change in scenery.

My favorite movie reminds me of fall. It almost seems appropriate to watch it in the fall and no other season but fall. Of course I will watch it in other seasons, but my favorite way to enjoy fall is to cuddle up every once in a while and watch this movie. I'll give you quotes from this movie (hopefully something I haven't already quoted) and I want you to guess what it is (feel free to leave your guess in a comment): p.s. Dani, wait till others have guessed first. You already know what movie I'm talking about.

"The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the [heck] they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino." 

"A HOTDOG is singing. You need quiet while a hotdog is singing? "


"You are a lone reed, standing tall, waving boldly in the corrupt sands of commerce."

I'm a lone reed.
Avec Amour,

Maddiey 

crooked souls.

It seems as though everything I knew to be pleasing and lovely has suddenly swapped with the hideous and the unwanted. I am not sure what to think anymore. I am doing things I never would have imagined my Self to do the days previous to this one. I have cried more painful tears and remained calm which is not my normal way of living. I have almost forgotten what it's like to laugh to the point where I think I might need a change of pants.

I am a crooked soul trying ever so hard to stay up straight.

9.11.

It is crazy to think that it has been ten years since that day.

I think I was too young to comprehend what was really happening, but looking back I do remember those who were around me at that time were devastated and I couldn't help but feel the same way.

It was interesting to read articles in the newspaper today and to see the different perspectives and stories from the different journalists.

I am reminded of the country song by Darryl Worley, Have You Forgotten? (First song on my playlist below.)

This day has more meaning for me today than it did ten years ago; I am older and can understand the devastation with more meaning.

God bless America.

you are not that ugly.

"Ew, I hate my picture!"

"I'm so doing retakes!"

"OMGosh, your picture looks so much better than mine!"

"Come on, BFF, let's see your picture! Come on! Let me see it! It cannot be as bad as mine!"

bleh.

There are two days of the beginning of the school year that drive me crazier than my newly-teenbop brother on a bad day. Those days happen to be picture day.

Come on, let's be honest. We all know that you absolutely love yourself in that picture. You are the one who curls your hair in perfect curls and had your outfit picked out since the first day of summer. You are the one who double-frosted that caked-on makeup on your petit face so you look like a person I've never seen before. You even wear a nice pair of skinny jeans and your most stylish pair of high heels. Like you can actually see them.
Right before your picture is taken, you pull out your mini mirror, touch up your makeup, cake on luscious lipgloss, and ask the boys standing next to you, "How do I look?"
When you get your ID card, you walk straight to your friends (or at least someone who will respond the way you want them to) and say the quoted sentences above (beginning of this post).

And then there's me.

Eh, I should probably wear a shirt... yeah, that could be good....

NAH, just joking with ya. I wear a shirt that is one step fancier than a t-shirt. I only wore a skirt today because it happened to be Wednesday (aka Temple Day). I straightened my hair- not to fancy and not to plain. I put on the amount of makeup that the above person would consider it to be the equivalent of being naked.

I get my picture taken.
Grab ID card.
Wait for class to finish.
Pretend to listen to people get mad about their picture.
Go back to class.

Now I can check out a book from the school library.
Avec Amour,
Maddiey
post script: I got a letter from "Army Man" (aka Breton) today. Whoop whoop.

I'm going (most likely)!

Everywhere I go, I think of all the possible ways he could kiss me.

here we go again.

So... it being the first day of school, why don't I just tell you about myself (because that's what the first week of school is all about).

Hey. I'm Maddiey. Maddiey Beardall. I like photography. I like to read. 

I didn't have one thought (well, maybe one...) about lying/cheating in get-to-know-you bingo this year (hmm... oh yeah I play football... uh-huh...)

My teeth ache terribly because apparently I am stressed about the first day of school and I didn't even let my Self know (I grit my teeth when I am nervous or completely focused... it's possibly one of my favorite traits about myself).

 I freaked out a sophomore by telling her about my obsession with Nicholas Sparks/ The Notebook as well as my favorite actor, Tom Hanks. Oh I also told her my favorite memory was laying on a public walkway. (I almost seriously put "good times" after that, but that drives me nuts and I don't feel like sounding like "Wentzy" No, not now)

I walked into PreCalc Honors and had to remind my Self that smart people take smart classes like PreCalc Honors (unless your me, and then you are just one of those stupid people who think they can take smart classes).

I FINALLY finished my summer honors english homework. (Note: It is the first day of school. Yup, procrastinator is my middle name.)

I love to write, although I'm not very good at it. If I knew how to paint, I would be a lovely painter. I love to sing, sometimes in the shower. I am insanely white for August.

My first happy thought about school: I can't wait to see Avery Taylor (As in I-don't-know-you-very-well-and-I-can't-explain-why-I-am-excited-to-see-you. Sorry, Avery, if that creeps you out. It's not supposed to be that way... It's a compliment...)

Second happy thought: I can't wait to see Mme Winkleman!

Basically, I can't wait to go to French.

I kinda want to be more than friends.
Avec Amour,
Maddiey
15 Pebbles

new discoveries.

I must admit- it is better to be awake when everyone else is asleep.  I woke up this morning at 5:30ish to watch the sun rise. I sat on my trampoline, wrapped up in a blanket that brought  back childhood memories. The view isn't photo-able, but it is a sight that you have to see for yourself.


As sunlight began to turn silhouette objects into detailed trees and mountains, I dressed myself (this process also includes putting my camera around my neck) and went for a morning walk. I took the long ways rather than the shortcuts because I had no need to get somewhere in a hurry. I ate a banana, whose peel began as a freckled yellow color, which turned burnt orange and eventually a blah brown by the end of my walk.

I passed friendly joggers who had an interest in what I was doing with my camera. One wished me luck and another told me where I could find some deer (which by the way are very difficult to take pictures of- they like to hide behind bushes and leap speedily towards their new destination). I was very appreciative of their kindness- especially the dear jogger, who on her way back from where she came from, asked how my pictures turned out. I told them my struggles of getting pictures of those stubborn deer and they acted all excited to hear every word I said. I wish I got their picture so I could add it to my collection project. Bummer.

When I returned home, I sat on my newly poured concrete basketball court and read the newspaper. I was surrounded by a whole family reunion of birds and one brushed the side of my face (I almost peed my pants...) as I looked back on my lovely morning. It was the best way to start off my lovely Saturday.

Rollie and Phyllis Bestor Dropped by today. Our conversation was simple, yet worth while. I would be ridiculous if I didn't consider them family.

You drove up in your Grandma's car and I realized I still have a thing for you.
Avec Amour,
Madison

post script: 'I hope we have classes together this year {thumbs up}.' OH YEAH WE BETTER!!  I thought with too much enthusiasm to be said aloud in public.

oh snap!

I go through a lot of moments where I find something breathtakingly beautiful, but the moment is ruined simply because I do not have a camera. I can't handle it anymore.

That's why I have decided that...

I, Madison Beardall, will carry my camera with me everywhere till the day it breaks. When it does break, I promise to purchase a new one as soon as possible.
A secret project.
I am excited.
It is a lovely project, I think.
I can't wait to show you when I finish.
Prepare yourselves to be amazed.

Radio, radio, tell me something I wanna know, wanna know.

Avec Amour,
Madison

once there was a way.

 I find it odd that the next few nights after I rearrange my furniture in my room ( more specifically my bed), I can't seem to get a wink of sleep. And after a two-mile run and a calming shower, I throw on a vest (side note: Sister Shattuck REALLY liked my vest- I was overjoyed to hear her say so.) recently purchased at Savers and receive unnecessary criticism from my family for wearing such a thing in public. But I won't let them stop me from wearing it or the rest of the stuff I bought.

As part of my Savers shopping trip, I purchased Sabrina with Audrey Hepburn. 99 cents. Oh don't you fret- I checked out the books, too. Oh my! There were rows and rows of romance novels. To keep my friends from snoring on the shopping cart, I quickly selected a book (yes, sadly I only purchased one book) and placed it with the rest of my things in the cart.

I now have this thing for thrift stores.

I watched one Sabrina after another. I must say that Sabrina with Harrison Ford (and Greg Kinnear, I might add- beautiful performance) is ten times better than the Sabrina with Audrey Hepburn. I cried when I watched the Harrison Ford Sabrina. Oh so BEAUTIFUL!! A very important side note: Does anyone know which Audrey Hepburn movie this is from:

If you know, please leave a comment- IT'S KILLING ME!!

Sleep pretty darling do not cry.

Avec Amour,
Madison
fifteen pebbles

post script: SHOCKING NEWS- Gabe Castleton plays the piano. Oh no, he doesn't just play the piano, he plays it good!

confusion and boiled blood.

i don't understand.

In the search of my true identity, I have found myself to be more relaxed and care free about the little things, like little imperfections that are in each of us. I have let go of pathetic arguments (for the most part, anyway) and I've learned it's okay to state my opinion and stand up for myself. I try to not let the little things boil my blood.

i am chill(ier).

I've been care free for long enough that now... I don't understand how people loose there temper so quickly over things that don't matter. It comes as a shock to me and I become confused. Now I am not saying that I am perfect and never loose my temper quickly about such things. When I do something of the crazy manor, I find my Self confused with what I've done.    


When they tell you you're crazy, they are paying you a compliment.


post script: I was very fortunate to be a part of an Alice in Wonderland day. Rabbit Hole, Croquet, and yes- a TEA PARTY.

A VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY TO YOU, my friends.

across the universe

Limitless undying love

Which shines around me like a million suns

It calls me on and on across the universe

There is nothing that moves me more than the power of song lyrics. I think that's why every beautiful memory of mine is attached to a song. Like Last Summer, for instance. Every time I hear a Regina Spektor song, I am reminded of the bottoms of my feet burning on the blacktop, morning runs, attempts of P90X, and crying together at Youth Conference while we sat on the mountain. I think the reason why the Kumquats remember Last Summer so vividly is because it was the summer that brought us closer.

I would have to say that This Summer is a Beatles Summer (for me, at least). It is that way because I discovered over two hundred Beatles songs that my dad had and didn't tell me about! Now every time I hear a Beatles song, I think of writing, walks through the park, conversations on Brynn's porch bench, Harry Potter 7 part two (midnight showing), car rides, reading romance novels, writing letters to friends, huge thunderstorms....

Words are flowing out, like endless rain into a paper cup.

Avec Amour,
Madison

finally.

Bellatrix, Damarcus, Luna, Hermione, Ginny, Harry, Ron

Lahvely Caitlin and Hermione

These two had the best costumes- they looked JUST LIKE their character!!

Raddish Earings- WOAH

Marisa drew this on my arm in two minutes- isn't it amazing?!?

Ron Weasley and Damarcus Hysterius

I like the focus on this picture- isn't it cool?

Now that all the movies are out, I am a fan of Harry Potter. Kind of a backwards fan... See the movies before you read the books, that's fine, right?

That midnight movie was the best event yet this summer.

Alohomora. 
Avec Amour,
Madison

this thing we call 'love.'

image one.

image two.

{insert a picture of Amanda and Derek Walker} 

image three.

I know I am a stalker but I didn't feel like being so stalker-ish and posting a picture of Derek and Amanda without them knowing.

image one:  At first I couldn't see it- it grossed me out. But now I can see it. True love is love that last forever. The way my father annoys us all when he says, "Guess what? I love your mom." and you know he really means it. The way they hug each other when he comes home from work. The way she smiles and rolls her eyes when he makes a ridiculous joke. My dad wheezes and she laughs like a hyena. They are perfect for each other.

image two: Oh Gilbert and Anne! He called her 'Carrot' and pulled her braids. She pretended to hate him. He loved her from the beginning. She did too, but her stubbornness hid it (or so she tried to hide it by being stubborn). Anne finally agrees to marry him after the third proposal attempt. Even though he is an war doctor, there love is still strong and beautiful- Anne searches for her Gilbert there in the middle of war. Oh how I love their romantic reunion (you should watch the movie to see it for yourself)!

image three: Last night I went swimming with Brynn's family (which includes Amanda and Derek). Brynn and I waded in the water just watching how cute they were. You should see the way they look at each other- their smiles are pure evidence that they are madly in love with each other. They are a truly perfect couple. How lucky they are to marry their since-they-were-kids best friend! I am truly jealous.

Avec Amour,
Madison
twenty pebbles

someone please take me to New York City.

 Give me bumper-to-bumper traffic. Shoulder-to-shoulder sidewalk space. I want it all.

I got myself grounded to my house yesterday. Yep, I am naughty when I want to be and sometimes enjoy it. I guess you could say I like the rush of emotions that I feel when I am naughty. But there's no need to worry! I am not naughty all the time- just when I want to be.

I like to be upstairs when everybody is upstairs, and I like to be downstairs when everybody is downstairs, said the Reagan and my Self responded with the thought, I'd rather be alone. And it's true. For some odd reason, I'd rather be alone. It must be because my Self has an anxiety attack every time a human creeps into my space. eek!

So being house grounded led me to want to be alone. I read my book. Note: This is where my post begins to match the title. All of the above was leading up to what I am about to tell you.

In my book As Always, Dave, Dave goes to NYC for his first time:

{When the train reached Penn Station, everyone else hurried to the exits before the train stopped, but not us. We were rookies. A minute later we were in the central corridor of Penn Station. It runs for blocks and is full of shops on either side. Abbie led us to where we could take a subway. We took the Number 1 train uptown to Times Square.  A few minutes later we climbed some stairs to go outside.

And there we were, in New York City!

I just stood there and gawked. So many people, so much traffic, so many pedestrians. Street vendors selling everything from hot dogs to jewelry to watches to hand bags.}

The description wasn't over-the-top beautiful but it left me crying on my kitchen table. That is when I truly decided I needed to go to New York. 

Save your money, said the Dani, We should go to New York, ok? Ok! and my Self thought back, Yeah, that could be fun. But now my Self says, Oh PLEASE take me to New York. Please, oh please! and Me (my second Self) responds with the thought, Wow. You sound desperate. 

Yeah. I am desperate. Someone please take me to New York.

Avec Amour,

Madison

post script: I listened to the Friday song not once, but thrice. It's fine and it's Friday (where the stinkin' patooties did this week go?!?!)