confusion and boiled blood.

i don't understand.

In the search of my true identity, I have found myself to be more relaxed and care free about the little things, like little imperfections that are in each of us. I have let go of pathetic arguments (for the most part, anyway) and I've learned it's okay to state my opinion and stand up for myself. I try to not let the little things boil my blood.

i am chill(ier).

I've been care free for long enough that now... I don't understand how people loose there temper so quickly over things that don't matter. It comes as a shock to me and I become confused. Now I am not saying that I am perfect and never loose my temper quickly about such things. When I do something of the crazy manor, I find my Self confused with what I've done.    


When they tell you you're crazy, they are paying you a compliment.


post script: I was very fortunate to be a part of an Alice in Wonderland day. Rabbit Hole, Croquet, and yes- a TEA PARTY.

A VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY TO YOU, my friends.

across the universe

Limitless undying love

Which shines around me like a million suns

It calls me on and on across the universe

There is nothing that moves me more than the power of song lyrics. I think that's why every beautiful memory of mine is attached to a song. Like Last Summer, for instance. Every time I hear a Regina Spektor song, I am reminded of the bottoms of my feet burning on the blacktop, morning runs, attempts of P90X, and crying together at Youth Conference while we sat on the mountain. I think the reason why the Kumquats remember Last Summer so vividly is because it was the summer that brought us closer.

I would have to say that This Summer is a Beatles Summer (for me, at least). It is that way because I discovered over two hundred Beatles songs that my dad had and didn't tell me about! Now every time I hear a Beatles song, I think of writing, walks through the park, conversations on Brynn's porch bench, Harry Potter 7 part two (midnight showing), car rides, reading romance novels, writing letters to friends, huge thunderstorms....

Words are flowing out, like endless rain into a paper cup.

Avec Amour,
Madison

finally.

Bellatrix, Damarcus, Luna, Hermione, Ginny, Harry, Ron

Lahvely Caitlin and Hermione

These two had the best costumes- they looked JUST LIKE their character!!

Raddish Earings- WOAH

Marisa drew this on my arm in two minutes- isn't it amazing?!?

Ron Weasley and Damarcus Hysterius

I like the focus on this picture- isn't it cool?

Now that all the movies are out, I am a fan of Harry Potter. Kind of a backwards fan... See the movies before you read the books, that's fine, right?

That midnight movie was the best event yet this summer.

Alohomora. 
Avec Amour,
Madison

this thing we call 'love.'

image one.

image two.

{insert a picture of Amanda and Derek Walker} 

image three.

I know I am a stalker but I didn't feel like being so stalker-ish and posting a picture of Derek and Amanda without them knowing.

image one:  At first I couldn't see it- it grossed me out. But now I can see it. True love is love that last forever. The way my father annoys us all when he says, "Guess what? I love your mom." and you know he really means it. The way they hug each other when he comes home from work. The way she smiles and rolls her eyes when he makes a ridiculous joke. My dad wheezes and she laughs like a hyena. They are perfect for each other.

image two: Oh Gilbert and Anne! He called her 'Carrot' and pulled her braids. She pretended to hate him. He loved her from the beginning. She did too, but her stubbornness hid it (or so she tried to hide it by being stubborn). Anne finally agrees to marry him after the third proposal attempt. Even though he is an war doctor, there love is still strong and beautiful- Anne searches for her Gilbert there in the middle of war. Oh how I love their romantic reunion (you should watch the movie to see it for yourself)!

image three: Last night I went swimming with Brynn's family (which includes Amanda and Derek). Brynn and I waded in the water just watching how cute they were. You should see the way they look at each other- their smiles are pure evidence that they are madly in love with each other. They are a truly perfect couple. How lucky they are to marry their since-they-were-kids best friend! I am truly jealous.

Avec Amour,
Madison
twenty pebbles

someone please take me to New York City.

 Give me bumper-to-bumper traffic. Shoulder-to-shoulder sidewalk space. I want it all.

I got myself grounded to my house yesterday. Yep, I am naughty when I want to be and sometimes enjoy it. I guess you could say I like the rush of emotions that I feel when I am naughty. But there's no need to worry! I am not naughty all the time- just when I want to be.

I like to be upstairs when everybody is upstairs, and I like to be downstairs when everybody is downstairs, said the Reagan and my Self responded with the thought, I'd rather be alone. And it's true. For some odd reason, I'd rather be alone. It must be because my Self has an anxiety attack every time a human creeps into my space. eek!

So being house grounded led me to want to be alone. I read my book. Note: This is where my post begins to match the title. All of the above was leading up to what I am about to tell you.

In my book As Always, Dave, Dave goes to NYC for his first time:

{When the train reached Penn Station, everyone else hurried to the exits before the train stopped, but not us. We were rookies. A minute later we were in the central corridor of Penn Station. It runs for blocks and is full of shops on either side. Abbie led us to where we could take a subway. We took the Number 1 train uptown to Times Square.  A few minutes later we climbed some stairs to go outside.

And there we were, in New York City!

I just stood there and gawked. So many people, so much traffic, so many pedestrians. Street vendors selling everything from hot dogs to jewelry to watches to hand bags.}

The description wasn't over-the-top beautiful but it left me crying on my kitchen table. That is when I truly decided I needed to go to New York. 

Save your money, said the Dani, We should go to New York, ok? Ok! and my Self thought back, Yeah, that could be fun. But now my Self says, Oh PLEASE take me to New York. Please, oh please! and Me (my second Self) responds with the thought, Wow. You sound desperate. 

Yeah. I am desperate. Someone please take me to New York.

Avec Amour,

Madison

post script: I listened to the Friday song not once, but thrice. It's fine and it's Friday (where the stinkin' patooties did this week go?!?!)

'You wanna know the real difference between us? Let me see... I know how to fence and you don't... Or I have class and you don't. Take your pick.'

Today went kinda like this:

Except for the fact that 1. I was alone and 2. I was actually outside (on my back porch) eating oreos with peanut butter. I took my spoon and stuck it out in the open, hoping I could catch a few rain drops. A few rain drops later, I stuck the spoon in my mouth. It was the best tasting rain that I have ever tasted (and the only rain I have ever tasted).

solitude.

A dear friend of mine told me something along these words:

 { I have the tendency to break off from a crowd of people and wander to places where I am alone. I don't know I'm doing it, but I do it all the time. }

At that moment, I realized how jealous I am of her.

I wish I could remove myself from conversation that crowds my thoughts and think solely to myself without even thinking about it.

Guess what? I went boating for my first time ever yesterday! It was all rather beautiful. Gorgeous. Water stretched out for miles around me. Utah mountains surrounding us and Toy-Story clouds peaking from behind them.

Kayloni, McKayla, and I discovered that screaming makes everything more enjoyable.

Cruising around and watching the newly-formed waves surrounding the boat was... well... 'romantic' as the Brynn would say. I almost cried thinking about it all.

I refused to pee in the water and was teased greatly for it. It grossed me out to think that I was swimming with fish in filthy water. That's why I kept my feet close to the surface rather than letting them dangle in the deep water. But for the most part, I just tried to not think about it...

Does anyone want to take me boating again?

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours.
Avec Amour,
Madison
Eighteen Pebbles