A WORD OF ADVICE: Do not try to speak French while you have a mouthful of toothpaste...  or maybe just don't say anything with a mouthful of toothpaste....

Day Nineteen: Regrets

I have plenty of regrets. The eat me away, sometimes to the point where I don't think I can take it anymore. There is one regret that keeps coming back to me. It is the one regret that I can't seem to get rid of or control. 

My regret is:

Words. 

I'm a human that struggles with saying the right things to others,  judgmental thoughts, and making sense. I sometimes can't find the words to describe my emotions or experiences. Sometimes I think too hard about what to say that I miss my opportunity to say it. When I say hurtful words, I wish there was some way to shove them back into my mouth and try to re-say it, but in a way that isn't so hurtful. I regret conversations that are awkward, and I didn't do a thing to make it un-awkward.

I deal with this regret every day. I am human. I try to be better, but I slip up sometimes. 

Feel good about yourself and don't regret a thing. (I should listen to my own advice)

Lahve always,

Madison

Day Two: First Love

I am different from everybody else. (Duh.)

Okay, let me be more specific. I was never one of those girls that went around crushin' on every boy she met. You see, I don't ever remember actually loving a boy. Now that I am in high school, I have changed. I am still not the go-around-and-crush-on-every-boy-you-meet type of girl, but love had a different meaning for me. I have friends. Guy friends. If he is always kind to me, I may end up liking him more than I originally planned. That's how it goes.  I don't just like the guy for looks. I like him for the way he treats me and those around him. 

These last few days, weeks, I have thought about guys I've liked. At the time, I convinced myself that I didn't really like anyone at the moment. But that's when I realized that's a lie. I have sort of fallin' in love with this kid I never thought I would ever fall in love with. He's slightly dirty (only slightly). But whenever he talks to me, he talks to me like a friend. He may say some rude/crude things to other people, but never to me. It's nice.

But let's not talk about that... I have already said enough... MORE than enough...

For day two, I wanted to share a story from when I was young. The first time someone loved me. First Grade. At first, we were just friends. We would work on every project together, eat lunch together, talk together at recess. (Ha- funny story- we would eat lunch together, then go to the bathroom to wash our hands. Since we were different genders we had to separate to our bathrooms to wash our hands. Whoever would finish first would wait in between the bathrooms, waiting, waiting for the other one to finish.) You could say that we were best friends.

Then, before I knew it, people were snickering and teasing. That's when I finally realized that maybe we weren't just friends- to him at least. That's when I considered that maybe he did like me... 

People continued to tease and our friendship was torn apart. I don't like him like that anymore, but I admit, it would be nice if we were still friends.

So I kinda sorta think I might like you a tiny speck of a bit more than I originally planned, said the Maddiey who is quoting MissLindy. (sorry Brynn, I just had to steal that way of quoting from ya...it's slightly different so it should be ok...)

Lahve always,

Madison

A REAL Word to Describe ME

flib·ber·ti·gib·bet

  [flib-er-tee-jib-it]  

–noun

chattering or flighty, light-headed person.

Definitely Surprised

Yes, I was suprised. Very surprised.
I truly thought I was going to babysit this weekend. The night before my Sweet Sixteen.
I thought wrong.
Here's the story...


It was Friday and I was told by ma mère that I was babysitting the Curry boys while the parents went out to dinner. My mom said that I shouldn't eat because Carson and Camden wanted to me to eat dinner with them. (I bragged about that to all my friends because I wanted them to be jealous. I think it worked...) (Actually, I found out later that they were really confused, not jealous. :/ ) 


My mom told me that she had to go get her pay check from work so she probably wouldn't be home when I left for babysitting. We said our goodbyes and I didn't think anything of it. 


It's common for my parents to drive me to the Curry's house so when my dad drove me to their house, I thought nothing of it. On the way to their house I noticed some signs that said the words "Taylor/Walker Reception". I found it funny how I knew people with the last name of Taylor and Walker, but again, I thought nothing of it. 


We finally pulled up to the house and I got out of the car, knocked on the door and walked in. John, the dad of the home, welcomed me into their home and then Tasha, the mom of the house, came from the hallway to greet me. She told me that Camden was in trouble upstairs in his room and Carson was downstairs playing. It was a typical scene at the Curry home. No suspicions whatsoever. Although it seemed a little weird to me that Tasha appeared to not be feeling well enough to go out to dinner. I didn't  say anything...


So she asked me to go downstairs to get Carson and tell him to come upstairs and the set the table. I did. I walked downstairs, looked to my left over at the movie theatre- nope, no Carson there. Then I walked into the main room. To my surprise, there was no Carson. Instead, I was greeted by many balloons and all my good friends.


So here's the thing. I have always wanted a surprise party- ever since I was a youngin'. My parents laugh at me but I don't care! It's true! I would practice my surprise face every year, just incase for some reason I might have a surprise party. Well, when it came time to be surprised, I didn't use my face that I had been practicing for years. Instead, I looked UNsurprised. Whoops! 


(Post to be continued later... hopefully...)

We Must Be Related

Today I was talking with my friends Dani and Brynn. I told them I was sick of myself for saying/doing the most stupid things ever. Then Dani told me something that made me think a bit. She said,
"Well you better get used to it because you are going to have to live with yourself for forever!"
So true, right? My first thought was shoota-parooda! But after a while I decided it would be best to just accept the fact and move on. 
So I did.


This evening, my mom had regional volleyball tournament (church ball). It was kinda strange because my mom ended up playing against her sister, Calli's stake! It was weird to see how related my mom and her sister are! Curly black hair that is turing gray (hehe;), their facial expressions, their voices/ laugh, etc. I guess that's what happens when you are related! (Really, Maddiey? Are you fer realz?) Yes, yes, I am FER REALZ!



I also realized that I am related to my mom. (What?!) Well, I did know that we were related, but I realized how much we are related. My mom and I play volleyball very similar. We yell the same things the same way, we go for the ball in similar ways. I wouldn't have noticed this if it weren't for McKayla. She would laugh and turn to me and point out the things she did that were like the things that I do. It's pretty crasy!

You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again
Got me feeling like a nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard
Calling me out when I’m wounded
You picking on the weaker man
(excerpt from Mean by Taylor Swift)

Today was just one of those days where you feel like everybody is out to get you. They are just so mean. I found this song by one of my all-time favorite singers, Taylor Swift-- the song fits perfectly to how I feel!